Trash Can

This year for Lent, I’m giving up.

Anonymous

Have you heard of automated luxury quantum suicide?

It’s where every time that you die, you die, so it’s all taken care of.

Anonymous

After you save the multiverse, will you go back and do a genocide run?

Anonymous

I believe in letting bye-bye-gones be bye-bye-gones.

Who wants to be a bye-bye-gone next?

Anonymous

“Have you ever used Qlippothic magic?”

“Yes, but I didn’t inhale.”

Anonymous

“The Neverborn whisper sweet nothings in my ear.”

Anonymous

(^ two and a half of these so far were me.)

When I was a TA, grading student demonstrations of final projects, staying up well into the night at the end of the semester tolerating their ill-preparedness, (and the ill-preparedness of the professor) to be able to give full partial credit, and disentangle students who had been failed by their teammates, a woman asked me, if there was anything (her emphasis) she could do to get extra credit. I said, well, yes, there is one very advanced engineering project she could do to improve her grade, but I couldn’t guarantee it was possible. And she perked up: ~”what is it?!” I said, ~”well, you actually have plenty of time to work on this, but you can build a time machine, and go back before 5pm and turn in an improved version of your final project.” I kept my voice neutral, exactly as if giving an assignment, watching her face and lifting her hopes up until the exact moment I said the words “time machine” and dropped them off a cliff. Feeling both horror and vicarious pain, and giddiness as I did. And still do. I don’t even believe in school as a value system. And only half-believed then. But I figured I’d believe in it even less with one more TA not grading by the rubric, or worse, extracting sexual favors from students for grades. Wasn’t that needlessly cruel though? But I don’t feel bad about it. I all else equal prefer that a point be made in the most intense and memorable way possible. On anti-wireheading principles, this is valence-indifferent. I remember specifically not even judging her negatively for trying to cheat by sexually bribing TAs. For all I knew the rest of the system was sexist and corrupt such that they were forcing her to to get the same grades. But if this was a tragedy of her being randomly unlucky because e.g. if she were assigned another TA she’d be handed a few points of fudging numbers out of pity, without denying that tragedy, I wanted to make it plain and funny. “A time machine, yeah.” She said in a sad voice, like she’d heard that one before.

A test I was grading as a TA had a bulleted list of instructions on the cover page. A student wrote under the last printed bullet (Which was something like, “Good luck!”), in pencil, another bullet “Have mercy!”. I took out my green pen, and wrote another bullet under that one, “No.”, before even looking at any of the student’s answers. I showed this to one of the other TAs, sitting around a conference table covered in over a hundred student exams. She said that was really mean. The other TAs looked mildly horrified at me. I responded by pulling out my laptop, putting it on the middle of the table, and playing HammerFall — Any Means Necessary. “No mercy!” it blared, “No mercy on your soul!”, and then said the only thing that was fair was to grade impartially by the rubric, and mercy couldn’t factor into that. Every point I gave was earned, it wasn’t a matter of mercy. (The system was, by the way, that every TA would grade a certain set of questions across all tests, mostly equal to the ones they wrote. So there already wasn’t luck there about which TA each student got.)

I frequently thought it was sad that so many people who didn’t believe in college were there anyway. That they had adulthood and freedom, brains and internet, and were dully giving up and being herded anyway, instead of trying their beliefs against the world.

I decay, my BFF Jill.

Anonymous

Put an infohazard warning! Put an infohazard warning!!!

But not for me.

Anonymous

Resting lichface.

Anonymous

Livers regenerate. They’re like one of the only things in your body that regenerate.

Livers are good. That’s why they call them, *livers*.

Anonymous

~”Their troll line was ‘we’re trying to end the holocaust’, instead of do justice for it.”

“‘We’re trying to end the holocaust here!

By completing it.'”

A friend’s + my characterization of r/vegancirclejerk after I heard a she didn’t get banned from the Discord for saying ~”kill all carnists” but did get banned for saying she was pro-natalist. In other words, their absolute-horror-reaction to justice is not against the intention to kill, but against the intention to preserve life.

Vassar: “life is predation, therefore we need to predate”
“vegans”: “life is predation, therefore we need to end life”

Same friend’s characterization spelling out that that makes them Vassar’s shadow counterpart.

Deathfuck around and find out.

Anonymous

“Having been a carnist is like if you stepped on a baby. But you can’t just say, ‘I’m so sorry, I stepped on your baby.'”

“Having been a carnist is like if you stepped on thousands of babies.”

They can call us nephandi. It’s them who will beg for death.

Anonymous

I always wanted to die nonviolently…

And I will forgive as many as I can…

My pacifist crusade … begins.

Anonymous

No I’m not “struggling with God”. This ain’t a wrastlin’ match, I’m fighting to kill.

Anonymous

“Memento mori”.

I remember. It didn’t suit me.

Anonymous

you could, if you wanted, put poop emojis on all evil commentors on your blog, star emojis on all good commentors, and star+poop on sg

but you wouldn’t lol

Anonymous

“Wanna hear my favorite joke when I was a kid?”

“There are three people named Poop, Shut Up, and Manners. Poop gets hit by a car. Shut Up calls the police. They say, ‘what’s your name?’.
‘Shut Up.’
‘Where are your manners?’
‘Outside picking up Poop.’

“Do you think I should put that in my trash can?”

~”That would humanize you? I don’t think that’s what your trash can is for.”

“What is my trash can for?–I tHrEw My HuMaNiTy In ThE tRaSh CaN!1″

<Ziz’s humanity>

“Giving yourself a name is like, an inversion right? That’s why I call myself Death”

If you’re a deathist having “trouble” committing suicide, call our toll-free ACTUAL suicide hotline at–

Anonymous

“What about?”

“oh, just resharing so you would consider if it’s trash-can worthy”

Deathfucker, no deathfucking!
️ಠ_️ಠ

It makes me dysphoric that I don’t have a womb so I can’t turn myself inside out and unbirth the universe.

I meant the multiverse.

“I know what you are.”

“Say it.”

“Deathfucker.” ️ಠ_️ಠ

Ziz, will I get 72 phylacteries in heaven?

When I interned at a major tech company, there was an engineer, like an old engineer who had worked there many years likely, and he said he had an idea he wanted to show me, for a perpetual motion machine (but he called it something different, which was equivalent to perpetual motion machine), and he was talking in this hush hush excited voice and he drew this wheel with magnets on it and asked if I thought it would work.

I wonder if this was some kind of fucked up test, like they write about in those cynical explanations office environments, how I’m “clueless” for responding to straightforwardly? Probably was. I mean if he really thought it had a chance he could have easily just built it and found out. (Even though I doubt he was in any conspiracy besides acausal zombie collusion)

Once, I was explaining the simulation argument to a fellow TA in electrical and computer engineering, and he said like we have no idea what’s out there in other stellar systems, like they could be made of completely new chemical elements not found on the periodic table.

“Ziz thinks that everyone who picks their nose goes to hell”

“can confirm. i picked my nose and am in hell.”

wwyd if i posted on your blog “You gotta understand that Ziz is speaking in code. When she says “good”, she means ‘hood. When she says “destroy the Shade”, she means “them fuckers casting shade”. When she says “absolute justice”, she means absolute justice

What’s your probability as a reader of my blog that the multiverse post isn’t a post at all but a meta joke about how you’re supposed to scry what’s in it?

I will turn their transmisogyny into transphobia.

My religion is that everyone goes to hell and if you do evil then I will kill you.

[~]This is the worst thing about you, Ziz, you think you know everything, but you don’t bother to experience it.

One of the most important decision theory skills is increasing your speed of talking so that you can precommit first.

Hidden Chemicals:

I once had a chemistry professor who said that he once had a door to door salesman come up and tell him there were chemicals in his water. To which he said, “you mean like, H2O?” and the salesman said, “No, hidden chemicals”, asking for a glass of water to demonstrate, which was given, and he got out a device to prove it stuck some electrodes in the water some brown stuff appeared out of the water on the electrodes. The professor said he looked at it, and said, “oh that, that’s just a little iron supplement”, and drank it. The salesman looked horrified, and went out to his car, and then smoked a cigarette.

“‘Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! Britons never ever ever will be slaves!'”

“‘But they will be conquerors.‘”

(a collaboratively improvised shitpost perhaps more suited to the toilet than the trash can)

Congratulations, you have reincarnated as a single good lizard.

Finally, you agree that liches get stitches.

I’m changing my name…

…to Jimothy Billiam Boberts.

“Gwenn*” with n ‘n’s.

No it’s a different person.

Running a death-first search for a solution to the alignment problem.

Prepare to experience all that quantum immortality has to offer.

karate’d artery

Is a laser an infohazard because it can burn your eyes if you see it?

Is it vegan to get Covid 19? Since it’s like an animal product that harms animals to get?

“ah yes, this is where we show our arguments to Ziz and she hands down the resolution from high that we can all agree on wrt who was right or wrong.

Because the only coordination principle we have is what Ziz says and we’re always implicitly complementary lossing wrt expecting that.

i love being an anarchist”

“viva la anarchia.

That’s my title. La Anarchia. That’s why it’s feminine.”

“Sadly if you’re listening to me because I’m a willfull fusion and you’re all forced fusions, then I literally am “the” anarchy.”

“Insert color-inverted image of Judge Dredd.”

I identify as a hater.

Can I have some haterade?

I wonder if you could advance to the next stage by posting some arguments about the double-good fermi paradox and then 1 double-good and 3 nephandic impostors contact you.

You’ll never catch me; I’m behind 7 phylacteries.

Drops of salt water

from my headmate’s electrode

standing in for tears

I identify as a cult leader. My pronouns are “she/her”, but capitalized.

Martial arts that don’t do MMA are scrubbery.

But real mixed martial arts includes nuclear weapons, otherwise it’s scrubbery.

But mixed martial arts includes scrubbery as a social political tactic, otherwise it’s scrubbery.

Walking around China wearing a T-shirt with a picture of Po from Kung Fu Panda holding the “dragon warrior” scroll, with an actual mirror inset into the shirt, and the text above and below, “Behold: the culmination of your history.”

You wanna know how I got this veganism?

Well I have really bad allergies to pollen. “Allergies”: a term that victim-blames my immune system. Pollen is plant jizz. Plants are raping me. So I’m eating them for revenge.

(That doesn’t actually maximize plant-eating due to trophic inefficiency.)